Wanted: White House Bouncer
Vigo Mortenson as a bouncer in "Green Book"
Today, on a whim of the First Lady, the country's deputy National Security Advisor was ignominiously escorted from the White House grounds. Oh, well. One less Strangelovean character in the People's House. Just think. One moment you're leading interagency meetings on the latest intel showing North Korea is (perish the thought!) cheating on its nuclear missile program. The next, you're being frog-marched to the Pennsylvania Avenue gate like some bedraggled bar brawler by two uniformed Secret Service officers with a shoe box containing the personal tchatchkes, coffee mug, favorite magic markers and breath mints that inhabit every bureaucrat's office space.
Gee, what happened? Spill some official secrets? Caught watching porn on office time? Sabotage the office Keurig? Nope. You got crosswise with sa majesté très chrétienne, Melania, Queen of the Slovenes and New York Queens. With the simple statement from her spokeswoman, “It is the position of the Office of the First Lady that she no longer deserves the honor of serving in this White House,” Mira Ricardel was history, leaving her Buck Turgidsonian boss, John Bolton, bereft of a No. 2, alone to implement the universe of conspiracy theories bestowed upon him by Fox, Breitbart and The Daily Stormer. It's enough to make your mustache wax turn rancid.
This latest firing comes on the heels of the involuntary departure of humiliated Attorney General Jeff Sessions and the reported imminent eviction of Homeland Security secretary Kirstjen Nielsen and possibly her mentor, Chief of Staff John Kelly. And there are rumors that scandal-plagued Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke and even everybody's favorite martyr, Pentagon chief James Mattis, may be given the boot. Whew! Who's on first?
The Brookings Institution's Kathryn Dunn Tenpas tracks the Trump administration's staff turnover. With the recent departure of White House counsel Don McGahn, four out of five of Donald Trump's top tier officials had left:
President Trump is breaking records. Ten (or 83 percent) of the most senior-ranking White House advisers have departed, sparking a cascade of turnover in the junior ranks as well. Of the ten departures, seven have resigned under pressure (Priebus, Walsh, Spicer, Sifakis, Porter, Flynn and McFarland), one was promoted (Clark) and two (Short and McGahn) resigned on their own volition (though not without enduring some amount of criticism and controversy over the course of their tenure). In addition, three of these positions have subsequently experienced even more turnover than the initial departure: Deputy Chief of Staff (on their fourth), National Security Adviser (on their third) and Deputy National Security Advisor (on their fourth). Compared to President Trump’s five predecessors, this level of turnover is record-setting—more than double that of President Obama after two full years in office, and a full 24 percentage points higher than the previous record set by Ronald Reagan (59 percent).
Remember that scene in "The Godfather" - after Michael Corleone had his brother-in-law Paulie wacked - and Clemenza said without blinking an eye, "Oh Paulie... You won't see him no more"? Badda-bing, badda-boom! That's the modus operandi of the Trump White House. In an interview, Melania revealed that on occasion she has advised her husband on untrustworthy personnel, telling the interviewer in Clemenza-like fashion, "Some people. They don't work there any more." So, the question is, Who's the next Paulie?
Which gets me to my suggestion to the White House, based on decades as a government bureaucrat and enthusiastic movie fan: close down the human resources office and hire a bouncer. This strikes me as a much more efficient way of dropping a dime on those out of favor after fifteen minutes in office. As it happens, an amusing flick, "Green Book," is about to hit the screens. Viggo Mortenson plays a tough Bronx goombah and laid-off bouncer, Tony Lip, who is hired to chauffeur an African-American concert pianist (Mahershala Ali) on a tour in 1962. Tony's admonishment to his new boss appears apt for President Trump as well: "You don’t know your own people. You, Mr. Bigshot."