The Dumbass Vote: A Modest Proposal to Repeal Universal Suffrage
The Founding Fathers had a point in placing parameters on voting eligibility. Time to require the citizenship test for the right to vote.
In a recent essay, I wrote: “I expect the self-correcting mechanisms of our democracy to kick in to prevent Donald Trump from being re-elected president. I believe that, as in the 2020 election, millions of sensible citizens will again decisively reject Trump and his MAGA minions.” I then went on to ask, “But what if I’m wrong?” — and in the spirit of Jonathan Swift proposed that democracy-loving Americans be prepared to effectively carry out a coup to prevent our country from falling irrevocably into a fascist Idiocracy under the thumb of a superannuated megalomaniacal sociopath. Upon reflection, I believe that I went overboard on this one. MAGA Republicans may favor coups as we saw on 1/6/21, but the rest of us do not. I have another proposal, polished off from something I put forth well before Putin installed Donald Trump in the White House.
At that time I had bumped carts with a man at Walmart. We both had a laugh and engaged in some cheery small talk. One thing led to another and before I knew it, this man was lecturing me about “the threat from the illuminati,” led by Barack Obama who was in league with the United Nations to take our guns away. The man was wild-eyed; his voice grew louder as he continued down his dark path of conspiracies and evil government. I quickly disengaged, wished him a perfunctory good day and rolled away. As I left the store with my purchases, I found myself agitated by my brief encounter with Conspiracy Man. Why isn’t that man in the loony bin, I thought. Worse still, I pondered, “That lunatic has the right to vote!”
Multiply Conspiracy Man and those a notch or two further down on the crazy scale by millions and voila! you get legions of QAnon-crazed fanatics for Donald Trump. Consider a sampling of recent statements by Trump supporters:
“We know his goal is to make America great again — it’s on his hat. And we see it every time he’s on TV.”
“About half the people in the Department of Justice should be arrested and put behind bars.”
Trump supporter: “I think that people are ridiculous that they think Putin is such an enemy. He isn’t doing anything. He just wants back what was his.”
Reporter: “He invaded Ukraine, killing thousands of people.”
Trump supporter: “That’s ok with me.”
“Sleepy, creepy Joe is not even with us. We’re watching an actor all masked up playing the part. JFK never died. He’d be 106.
Meanwhile, some politically engaged students at a Texas university randomly asked fellow students three questions on American history and government:
Who won the Civil War?
From whom did the U.S. gain its independence?
Who is the Vice President of the United States?
Few knew the answers. Yet, to a person, they correctly and unhesitatingly answered questions about pop culture, ranging from Brad Pitt’s wives to the cast of Jersey Shore.
And, while we’re at it, nearly 70 percent of Americans believe in angels, 40 percent don’t believe in evolution, one in five believe in witches and two-thirds believe in ghosts and UFO’s.
Now, should these people be allowed within thirty feet of a voting booth? I say no. One needs to take two tests to get a driver’s license; one needs to have a license to fish or hunt; one needs to be vetted before serving on a jury. But, apart from convicted felons and (depending on the state) some mentally disabled people, any dolt with a bumper sticker’s depth of knowledge of current events who is 18 and older may vote in the United States. A birth or naturalization certificate and a pulse are all that are required to choose the next president, not to mention governors, members of Congress, judges and everybody else who run the country. This is outrageous and needs to end. Opening democracy up to the masses, furthermore, goes against the intent of the Founding Fathers — something which constitutional originalists on the Supreme Court surely can appreciate.
According to historian Akim Reinhardt,
Many of the founders believed that, generally speaking, the mass of citizens are corruptible and easily swayed. This makes them susceptible to charismatic leaders, or even chaotic mob rule. So if you let the people decide what to do, it won’t be long before they either hand the reins of government over to some charming rapscallion who will quickly establish himself as a brutal despot, or the whole thing will simply devolve into anarchy and bloodshed. For that reason, they championed the notion of a small coterie of talented, capable, virtuous people to make the political decisions on everyone’s behalf. In other words, you should have elections so that the citizens may choose the best and brightest from among their ranks to go forth and rule the nation.
Trouble is, the “best and brightest” of the American Enlightenment deemed only property-holding white males should have the right to vote. This left the country’s course in the hands of about ten percent of the population. Progressive for the late 18th century perhaps, but a no-go for the 21st.
But we’ve gone too far. One’s right to vote should not be based on the amount of material assets one owns, much less on gender or race, as the founders believed. The indigent certainly should have equal right to enfranchisement as the billionaires. But there should be a test. And I posit that it should be the citizenship exam all immigrants (including my wife) must take in order to become naturalized Americans. This incidentally is not a gut exam. News media are fond of laying some of the questions on average Americans on the street. The number who can’t name the three branches of government, or what form of economic system we have, or in which century the Civil War was fought and who won is mind boggling. The average American’s knowledge of geography is beyond shameful. Take a look at this test and see how well you can do.
Such an exam would not be a thinly-veiled Jim Crow subterfuge to surgically screen out certain groups as Republicans in some states have been criminally pursuing with their voter suppression measures. The exam would merely democratically screen out the dumbasses in our population, those who are not equipped intellectually to decide on the nation’s leaders and policies. So, you say, since Donald Trump’s support base centers on the undereducated, a voter exam would likely wipe out much of that support. So be it. If you’re so dumb as to fall for the calculated deceits and random brain farts, not to mention mental deterioration, of a Trump, you deserve to forfeit your right to participate in democracy’s workings. The alternative may be the self-destruction of our country. Call it a national security issue.
Winston Churchill was fond of saying, “Democracy is the worst form of government, except for all the others.” But he also reputedly said, “The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.” Wise man that Churchill.
So, we find ourselves in 2024 again facing a fork in the political road — as Woody Allen said, “One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other leads to total extinction.” Quite a choice. But we’ve brought it upon ourselves through the misguided belief that the sacred right to vote should be available to everybody. It should not. The time has come for a 28th amendment.
The weather is warming up. It's 56 in the shade here in MSLA. Seeley Lake should start looking good about now. A cabin by itself. Birds and animals the only visitors. Think about it.