Make Me an Ambassador: Yes We Can!
And, together, we will begin the next great chapter in the American story, with three words that will ring from coast to coast, from sea to shining sea: Yes, we can.
Barack Obama, 2008.
These gusts of reform are wind and clatter. Next year we shall all be in Washington.
~ Thomas Nast on William "Boss" Tweed, 1871.
Out of the cauldron of putrid politics that is America's ambassadorial spoils system, yet another sordid tale of shameless corruption emerges. As reward for his having raised more than $2 million for President Obama's re-election campaign, California political campaign money bundler Noah Mamet is being given the post of U.S. ambassador to Argentina. According to Buzzfeed, "the news was met with surprise, and in some cases anger, by his peers in the donor class. Democratic Party donors complain privately that Mamet unfairly leveraged his clients’ work for his own political gain and benefited from a close personal relationship with President Obama’s campaign manager, Jim Messina." Most of these critics are based in Los Angeles whose Democratic donors, heavily represented in the entertainment industry, raised nearly $19 million for Obama in 2012. Buzzfeed reports that one investor/donor "was receiving advice from Mamet about pursuing an overseas post — only to find out later that Mamet had been slated for one instead." Buzzfeed quotes one outraged Bear State fundraiser as saying,"Wait a minute. It's my money he’s getting that with."
Now, is this a merit process or something more akin to Gangs of New York? We have one gang of corrupt political manipulators lashing out at another over campaign spoils. Is there no honor among thieves, alas?!
The Obama administration is beginning to take on the trappings of that of Warren Harding's, noted for rampant corruption in the 1920's. More than half of the seventy-plus ambassadorships filled by Obama in his second term have gone to political appointees instead of career Foreign Service officers. And these campaign donors and bundlers get the most desirable places, leaving the professional diplomats largely with danger and hardship posts.
In my post on America's diplomatic spoils system, My Job Application to the World's Most Popular Soap Opera, I announced that, having failed to snag a major ambassadorial position because of their being bought up by moneybag political hacks, I was bent on making a career change by crashing Hollywood and becoming a cast member of the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, one of whose producers, Colleen Bell, purchased the post of U.S. ambassador to Hungary for a cool $2 million.
To my deep chagrin, Bold and the Beautiful's executive producer (Bell's hubby) hasn't responded. Nor have other showbiz moguls, such as HBO's James Costos, who landed the plum Madrid ambassadorship for a bargain basement half million bucks. I'm beginning to conclude that Tinseltown isn't taking me seriously. Could it be because I lack any relevant experience? Which leads me to call on Americans not to accept the unqualified parvenus who blatantly purchase their country's top diplomatic positions, and register their displeasure with their Congressional representatives.
But, getting back to me. There's more than one way to skin a cat. If you're as disgusted as I am with America's and Pres. Obama's pay-to-play-ambassador system, then help me win a plum ambassadorial assignment. I actually have diplomatic experience!
I hereby announce my intention to form my very own political action committee, "Americans for Whomever." By generously donating to this PAC, you will be contributing toward the election of the next president, party affiliation notwithstanding. Whomever we manage to install in the White House, that person will be obliged to reward me with a top ambassadorial post by dint of my having forked over a ton of cash. And, once at post, donors, in turn, will be rewarded accordingly:
Bronze Class (up to $1,000): a tour of the embassy and ambassador's residence.
Silver Class ($5,000): lunch with His Excellency, Extraordinary & Plenipotentiary, Amb. James Bruno.
Gold Class: ($10,000): sleep overnight at the ambassador's residence.
Platinum Class ($100,000): sleep with the ambassador (females only!) Men get a deluxe breakfast.
Diamond Class ($500,000 and up): get named Deputy Chief of Mission -- i.e., #2.
So, to all loyal readers and fellow travelers: do I have your support? If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Can anyone buy an American ambassadorship?
Yes, we can!
See also --
The American Diplomatic Spoils System, Part IV: The Ambassadorial Marketplace
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