Confessions of a Deep State Operative
I somehow never find the time to read Breitbart. I hear it cited frequently by the lamestream media. So, on an idle Sunday afternoon, I thought, What the hey! Let's have a peek. What's the worst that could happen? That my mind gets erased Manchurian Candidate style and I start espousing dark conspiracy theories to my friends and loved ones? Blather on about how sharia law is a mortal threat to The Homeland? Bellow that climate change is a Chinese hoax? Naw. But something did catch my eye and the more I read the more I am now convinced there is a vast cabal of conspirators called the Deep State who are conniving to take down our president. How do I know? Because I was one. I hereby make a full confession of my crimes as a Deep State Denizen and ask forgiveness.
Under the all-caps headline, "Steve Bannon, Kushner, Priebus United to Fight Deep State Sabotage," a recent issue of Breitbart reports, "Bannon, Priebus, and Kushner are fighting back against federal bureaucrats trying to take down President Donald Trump via damaging leaks and collusion with left-wing journalists." The White House is leakier than the SS Andrea Doria. It couldn't retain a secret any more than it can a truth. President Trump lashed out at the intelligence community and the FBI, accusing them of leaking and then smearing them as "Nazis." I can't say I knew a single Nazi in those agencies in my quarter century of servitude to Uncle Sam, but they must've been lurking in the shadows somewhere - just as all those commies did in the 1950s McCarthy period.
Probably the most egregious harborer of Deep State evildoers is the State Department (get it? "State" = "Deep State"?) Right from the get-go a thousand troublemakers in that agency signed a memo opposing Trump's Muslim ban. That's disloyalty bordering on outright treason. Just as American intelligence workers surely wear SS armbands at secret pagan ceremonies around bonfires deep in the forest, State Department employees certainly parade around in kafiyahs and burkahs in their free time. One guy even resigned rather than deliver a formal message to the Chinese that we were backing out of that Chinese hoax known as the Paris Climate Agreement. It's been some 60 years since the last major political purge of Foreign Service ranks (we count Sen. Jesse Helms's scourges as mere selective inquisitions). The time is ripe for another.
Yes, I schemed against six sitting presidents in my years as a deep cover Deep State operative. I connived with scores of other cabalists to apply diplomatic pressure to get Vietnam to end its occupation of Cambodia and the Soviet Union to get out of Afghanistan. I schemed with my colleagues to help the German people raze the Wall and reunite their country and plotted to help East European nations establish functioning democracies after they threw off the chains of communist oppression. I traveled to war zones to work with the United Nations (sans black helicopters) to protect, house and feed refugees. And I managed to negotiate with the likes of the Khmer Rouge and the Stalinist Laotian regime to free Americans in their captivity. I was among the first Deep Staters to re-establish normal diplomatic relations with Cambodia and Vietnam.
In Cambodia, I disloyally traipsed through minefields as we established a demining program to hopefully save farmers and kids from losing their lives and limbs. Later, I was the Deep State rep who met monthly with the Cuban military on The Line at GTMO. Can you imagine? Meeting with Cubans? Military officers at that! This may be my greatest sin in a long sorry career of working with my fellow losers seeking to undermine the U.S. of A.
In doing so, the Assistant Secretary/ambassador (remember those?) who recruited me to work on Afghanistan was killed in a mysterious plane accident in Pakistan; two Consulate Karachi staff members were murdered and I lost seven embassy military colleagues in one afternoon in a chopper crash in Vietnam. Their mission was to search for and recover MIA remains in that country's jungles. I also had my share of close calls as I deviously served the Deep State, having been seized twice at gunpoint and jailed, and lost a spinal disk and parts of two vertebrae after a romp in a war zone. I won't go into the nasty matter of amoebic dysentery I contracted in Cuba. A number of my friends were among the Iran hostages; some were tortured; one died later from MS. All served the Deep State selflessly. Osama bin Laden killed 22 American embassy personnel in the 1998 bombings of two U.S. embassies in Africa. Deep Staters all.
During my time in the Deep State, 78 fellow diplomats were killed in the line of duty.
Fellow Deep State veteran Rebecca Ingber asserts that there is no such thing. She claims in Lawfare, "The irony in the President’s paranoia over the 'Deep State' is that it is not the expansive, non-partisan career bureaucracy that is subverting his presidency and his agenda. It is his own high-level political appointees and advisers who are undermining him, aided in no small part by the President's own incompetence and worst impulses."
Don't believe her. It's fake news and part of a vast cover-up. To paraphrase Groucho Marx, "Who are you going to believe? Her or your own eyes?"
There are two million federal employees. The federal government is the largest employer in the nation. We are all proud to be scheming members of the Deep State!