Bimbo Eruptions: A Comparative Study
Judith Exner Gennifer Flowers Karen McDougal Stormy Daniels
I just watched 60 Minutes' much hyped, yet rather underwhelming interview with Stormy Daniels, the porn actress with a kiss-and-tell tale of her relationship with Donald Trump. This after previously watching Anderson Cooper's extended interview with Karen McDougal, a former Playboy bunny who also alleges having had an affair with the president. Cooper, a solid professional with zero interest in the opposite sex, is the perfect foil for these women. Amid the ever expanding putrescence of this presidency, I thought it would be good to step back and take stock of some of the known bimbo eruptions in the White House over the past century.
Warren Harding is consistently deemed by historians as the worst president in U.S. history (that may soon change). His two-and-a-half years in the White House were marked by lack of vision, ineptitude and corruption. Sound familiar? Stuck in a loveless marriage, Harding played around. A lot. He carried on a 15-year relationship with fellow Ohioan Carrie Fulton Phillips. In a love letter, he stated, “Jerry came and will not go, says he loves you, that you are the only, only love worthwhile in all this world, and I must tell you so and a score or more of other fond things he suggests, but I spare you. You must not be annoyed. He is so utterly devoted that he only exists to give you all.” Jerry was code for Harding's penis. His code for her private parts was "Mrs. Pouterson." Ms. Phillips decided to cash in on this loving relationship, wheedling hush money payments from the president amounting to $5,000 a month as well as around $25,000 from the Republican National Committee (some $300,000 in today's dollars).
Harding additionally carried on a six-year dalliance with Nan Britton, which began when she was 20 and he was 50. Shortly after he deflowered her in a New York hotel room, the vice squad barged in. They withdrew, as did he, upon learning they were about to bust a U.S. senator. After Harding became president, he and Nan usually shagged in a coat closet at the White House. Secret Service agents tapped on the door whenever frumpy First Lady Florence approached. Nan got pregnant, bearing a baby girl. Harding had the Secret Service deliver secret child support payments until his death in office in 1923.
"It’s a good thing I’m not a woman," Harding once confided to reporters. "I would always be pregnant. I can’t say no.”
Neither, apparently, could John F. Kennedy, who told British Prime Minister Harold MacMillan, "If I don’t have a woman for three days, I get a terrible headache." His scores of affairs are the stuff of legend. During his ten year marriage to Jacqueline, he reportedly carried on, inter alia, with Marilyn Monroe, a White House intern, Judith Exner - moll to the mob, and an East German spy. JFK's moral recklessness made him vulnerable to blackmail by crime bosses and foreign adversaries. (Again, sound familiar?) This was a time when the press kept our commanders in chiefs' horniness under wraps. And indeed, this unwritten rule pretty much held up through the 1970s when Kennedy's many dalliances started to be revealed.
Unfortunately for Bill Clinton, this gentlemen's entente no longer held. It has been reported that Bill used Arkansas state troopers to procure women for him when he was governor of Arkansas. When he ran for president, several women made allegations of sexual harassment against him - one accusing him of rape, another of exposing himself, and another of groping her. He ended up paying the latter $850,000 to go away and keep quiet. It took recorded tapes and a lot of salacious press to get Bill to finally fess up to a 15-year affair with Gennifer Flowers. Not having learned his lesson from this string of tawdry episodes, Clinton, taking his cue from his boyhood hero, JFK, put the moves on a White House intern named Monica Lewinsky, leading to his being impeached. The man can't help but think with the wrong organ. (Full disclosure: I served one time in a Secret Service presidential protective detail for Bill Clinton overseas toward the end of his presidency. Nothing in this post is drawn from that experience.)
So, how does Donald Trump stack up to these gents? At least 19 women have come forth to accuse The Donald of non-consensual kissing or groping before he became president. His first wife, Ivana, accused him of rape, but later recanted. Past Miss Teen and Miss Universe contestants report he had a penchant for entering their dressing rooms at will. And, of course, there is the infamous "I grab them by the pussy" recording.
As if all that weren't bad enough, we now see a veritable Krakatoa of bimbo eruptions breaking out, ranging from the contrite Playboy bunny Karen McDougal to the not-so-contrite porn star Stormy Daniels. Each states she had a consensual sexual relationship with Trump and each received $150,000 and $130,000, respectively, in hush money. Trump reportedly has a well-oiled machine in place operated by his own Godfather/Tom Hagen-type attorney, Michael Cohen, to pay women to keep quiet about their affairs with Trump. Sorry, but when did this guy ever find the time to make his alleged billions much less to collude with the Russians?
The bottom line is that all this tawdriness may be scintillating and much more exciting to watch than "Wheel of Fortune." But it is doubtful that Bob Mueller is focusing on it much. He's keeping his eye on the ball of conspiracy, obstruction of justice and financial fraud. And I hear federal penitentiary offers many fewer female targets of opportunity than the Las Vegas Planet Hollywood, home of Miss Universe pageants.
Warren Harding and JFK are leering down on Donald Trump. "Atta boy!" they say. Have fun in court.