Amber Alert: Rex Tillerson
Rex Tillerson has been missing since being sworn in as U.S. Secretary of State on February 1. He was last seen by State Department employees in the main lobby that same day. After making a few remarks to the employees, Tillerson vanished. The public's assistance is requested. Should you happen to spot Mr. Tillerson, please call SEC-STATE-MIA immediately.
When President Trump met with Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu of Israel at the White House on Feb. 15, the Secretary of State was conspicuously absent. Two days earlier, he was similarly missing for a meeting between Pres. Trump and Canadian Prime Minister Trudeau. Furthermore, Mr. Tillerson was not present when the Mexican foreign minister met with Jared Kushner and other White House officials on March 9, having completely bypassed the State Department.
In mid-March, U.S. embassy employees and their family members in Tokyo, Seoul and Beijing waited patiently for scheduled meetings with Tillerson, a long, morale-boosting tradition in the State Department. But Mr. Tillerson did not show up. The Department previously announced that Secretary Tillerson would not attend the NATO Ministerial meeting in Brussels March 31 nor would he would join other foreign ministers at the Munich Security Conference, an important annual gathering focused on security policy that Defense Secretary Jim Mattis would attend. The Department subsequently announced that Tillerson would attend. Any live sightings by the public would be welcome.
In response to the White House's announcement that it planned to slash the State Department's budget by 29 percent, there was not a peep from the missing Secretary of State. He has failed to hold a news conference since assuming office and career Department officials report more sightings of Big Foot than of Mr. Tillerson. Even should he miraculously appear, employees have been instructed not to speak to him directly — or even make eye contact, according to The Washington Post. The normal paper flow between the Secretary's office and State's career bureaucracy has essentially ceased.
Age: 65
Height: 5'8"
Weight: 168 lbs.
Eyes: Blue
Hair: Grey
Likes: Oil fields, luxury golf resorts
Dislikes: People, journalists
Without someone to run foreign policy, America is adrift. Our leader is missing. So, should you happen to encounter America's Secretary of State, ask him to please report to work. His paychecks are still going out.